It’s not surprising to be overwhelmed, confused and – ironically – less confident than ever. From pregnancy to becoming a full-fledged parent, every step demands you to listen to someone else. Your doctor will tell you what to do with your body and how to take care of newborns. Then you are inundated with advice from friends and family to podcasts, Pinterest boards, WhatsApp forwards, schools, online courses – everywhere you look, someone is telling you how to raise your kids.
Look, read the books if they help. Join parent groups if you find your people. But take a moment to acknowledge the wisdom inside you that no expert can give you. You know your child, your family needs and your toxic patterns better than anyone else. You are allowed to learn, grow and most importantly, trust yourself. We are living in the age of outsourced parenting and while the tools and tips can be helpful, the one voice that gets drowned out the most is our own.
Myth of the Perfect Parent
Let’s be clear: there is no such thing as the perfect parent. Your kids don’t need you to be perfect. They need you to be present. They need you to be working on yourself. Parenting becomes much easier when we stop asking, “How do I fix my child’s behaviour?” and start asking, “What’s happening inside me right now?”
It’s the hardest work to do
When your child pushes all your buttons – that’s the most important moment. It is a great opportunity to observe yourself. What’s happening in your body? Dig deeper and ask yourself, what part of my own story is getting activated? Is there something I can do to ground myself rather than react the way I usually do? It’s a messy process and we all fail more often than we would like to admit. But, that’s the learning part. We can come back to the situation and address it again. When we heal our own stuff, we naturally become more patient, more present, more connected.
The real work starts within
Here’s the hard truth: the biggest obstacle in parenting isn’t the child’s tantrums, dramas and endless demands. It’s our own unhealed baggage. The unresolved emotions that we allow to fester and linger in all aspects of our lives. Are we obsessing over routines because children need discipline or because chaos in our childhood taught us to survive through control? Are we yelling because our child is disrespectful or because we were never allowed to speak up as kids?
We unconsciously pass down not just values, but wounds. And if we don’t pause to reflect, we will continuously repeat our patterns. When we do our inner work and heal our own childhood wounds, naming our emotions, breaking toxic patterns, we create a safer space for ourselves and our family. We don’t have to follow a script because our parenting stems from a place of clarity instead of chaos.
Final Word
Yes, read the books. Join the workshops. Ask questions. But don’t forget – you’re allowed to say, “No, that doesn’t feel right for my family.”
When you listen to yourself, you come home within. Slow down and notice the way their eyes light up when they spot something that fascinates them. Watch them gain confidence doing things they never thought possible. Breathe deeply. And from that place, the answers come. The strategies flow. The connection deepens.